Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Mustache Madness

Brigham Young University as an institution is ridiculous. It is ridiculous for several reasons, those reasons being everything about it that isn't the classes. The website is awful. The administration is incredibly inefficient. The honor code is hilarious.

There are certain things about the honor code that are just fine. If you don't want your students to be plagiarizing their papers or showing up for class in tassels and a thong, that's perfectly acceptable and I take no issue with it. One of the major things I take issue with is their attempt to bar people from doing things that are none of their business. I feel like if they had rules against drinking or having sex on campus or in campus housing, that's fine. I also feel like if a non-LDS student goes home for Christmas and has a glass of wine, it's none of BYU's business. It does not affect BYU in any way (other than the "character of our students!" argument, but really, that's too subjective to be effective).

Even more obnoxious, however, is BYU's policy for facial hair. Facial hair is allowed, but only if it's restricted to the area above the lips. Yes, you heard me correctly. Mustaches are the only acceptable forms of facial hair on BYU campus.

To clarify even further:

This is not allowed:

This is:

This is not allowed:

This is:

This is not allowed.

This is:

How is it that no one saw the problem with this? I know that BYU fancies itself above all the worldly crap and crap, and that the people who enforce these policies really believe that mustaches are the only tidy, socially acceptable forms of facial hair out there today. But, BYU, I ask you this: Do you know what having a mustache means in American society today?

It means:
1. You are a pervert.
2. You are a porn star.
3. You are hilariously out of touch with today's fashion, because the only people who have mustaches nowadays are perverts and porn stars.

Ask anyone.


  1. I find it hilarious that were he alive today, Brigham Young couldn't even attend his own University. Because he had a pimpin' beard.

  2. And you know who else had a beard?

    Jesus. Jesus would get turned away from the testing center for inappropriate facial hair.

  3. I like the handlebar mustache, and can't believe you used that as a bad example. Haha.

    Currently a clean shaven look is encouraged. But I do think that things that are based on societal norms, or whatever you call it, do change over time. When I went to BYU, students weren't allowed to wear jeans or flip flops!!!! Girls or boys. But overall, dress was still more formal; now society is more casual as a whole.

    What does the honor code say about girl's facial hair? Because I know some who have it. :)

    But it's not like we're frozen in time like some religious groups, such as the FRLDS and their long prairie dresses, no makeup and big pouffy buns. Or the Amish, who can't have zippers and other "modern day" fasteners on their clothing, electricity in their houses, or use automobiles.

  4. But it's NOT a clean-shaven look that's encouraged. That would be fine. If they said "No facial hair whatsoever," that would be a huge improvement. The ridiculousness of the situation stems from the fact that disgusting mustaches are fine, but other, more attractive facial hair is barred.

    Also, it's not an LDS thing. At no point, to my knowledge, has anyone in the first presidency come out against facial hair. Tons of guys in normal, non-BYU wards have facial hair, and no one has any problem with that.

  5. I once went into the Testing Center with a Hitler-stache. NO ONE NOTICED. I find that ridiculous.

    I also once went into the Testing Center with a well-groomed mustache/goatee combo. They didn't let me take the test. I find THAT even more ridiculous.

  6. I have decided that the mustache policy is implemented by people who have ridiculously ironic senses of humor or are just insanely out of touch. The second seems more likely, but the first is preferable in some ways. I feel like BYU females should all start wearing fake beards because it is allowed. After all, men wear mustaches because it is allowed...and they have ironic senses of humor. Or at least, most of the men who wear mustaches on campus are like this.

  7. Also, may I point out that there is a double standard on enforcement of these rules. I have met several girls with cartilage piercing in their ears, and at least one with a nose ring, and to my knowledge, this has never been an issue AT ALL.

  8. So, I have to make more commentary because I find this issue so ridiculous. First, if you read the honor code, the handlebar stache is actually not allowed, which is sad because if you are going to have a stache, you could at least look like some early 20th century snob rather than a pornstar/ pedophile. Secondly, I wanted to share this lovely quote:
    Students have wondered why they are allowed to have mustaches but not beards. Steve Baker, director of the Honor Code office, spoke on the topic.
    “There is nothing that I’m aware of that lends itself to an explanation,” he said. “I would suggest that you live the standards and do it on your own initiative because you’ve given your word that you would live it.”
    There is no reason the mustache is allowed. Even for the director of the honor code office. Just do it because that was Spencer Kimball's motto and we should apply it to absurd and outdated rules about facial hair as well as everything else, and BYU doesn't change its rules.